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If I Had Legs, I’d Kick You (M) – 113 minutes

  • Writer: Alex First
    Alex First
  • 5 days ago
  • 2 min read

Rose Byrne gives the performance of her life as the psychologically tormented mother of a daughter with a mysterious illness.


Byrne plays Linda, a therapist whose offspring (Delaney Quinn) fears many things and refuses to eat, so the girl has a feeding tube attached to her stomach.

 

With her husband, navy man Charles (Christian Slater), away on business, Linda is struggling.

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The roof of their apartment has just caved in, flooding the place, so she and her daughter have moved to a motel.

 

Linda isn’t impressed by her daughter’s doctor’s (Mary Bronstein) requirements and expectations.

 

To add insult to injury, every time her daughter attends therapy, Linda has a run-in with the car parking attendant (Mark Stolzenberg).

 

Further, she is frustrated by her therapist’s (Conan O’Brien) refusal to fully engage with her.

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One of her patients – all of whom seem needy – Caroline (Danielle Macdonald) also has major problems coping with her newborn.

 

The consequences of that are about to felt.

 

At the same time, Linda forms an uneasy relationship with another resident at the motel, James (A$AP Rocky), who can readily source drugs on the dark web.

 

Linda is prepared to go down that path, but her grip on reality appears to be tenuous, at best.

 

If I Had Legs, I’d Kick You is the brainchild of writer/director Mary Bronstein (Yeast).

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It is intense and unrelenting.

 

From an acting perspective, this is very much Rose Byrne’s vehicle, as the focus remains squarely and relentlessly on Linda throughout the film.

 

Initially, she is captured by using extreme close up, every nook and cranny in her shown up.

 

Linda leads a catastrophic life and Byrne does a fine job inhabiting her tortured soul.

More than once Linda’s frustration boils over. She is argumentative, angry and wanting.

 

In fact, it takes very little to set her off.

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Several of the characters with whom she interacts are trying to figure out where Linda is coming from.

 

That includes her absent husband, her daughter’s doctor and James, who is perplexed by her. A$AP Rocky fills that role effectively.

 

Conan O’Brien is also well cast as her standoffish therapist.

 

Bronstein casts an alarming portrait of mental illness, expertly helmed by Rose Byrne.

 

While hardly an easy watch, it is well crafted.

 

Rated M, it scores an 8 out of 10.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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