Mother Mary (MA) – 112 minutes

What unadulterated, elongated malarkey!

Do not waste your time or money on seeing what is unquestionably one of the greatest disappointments of the year.

Don’t be drawn into seeing the film just because Anne Hathaway, who I usually really like in movies, is in it. 

It gets down to a pitiful script and direction by David Lowery (Ain’t Them Bodies Saints) that no amount of fulsome acting could possibly rescue.

Mother Mary (Hathaway) is a world-famous music star. The stage is her oyster.

She is also known for her striking attire as she struts the catwalk, belting out her tunes to adoring fans.

And then, suddenly, she disappears from public view.

A decade later, Mother Mary, distraught, in the middle of a thunderstorm, seeks out the fashion designer she abandoned.

You can hardly say that Sam Anselm (Michaela Coel) is happy to see her. 

Still, Mother Mary prevails upon Anselm to drop everything and design a new gown for her comeback show three days later.

Anselm was the one who helped launch Mother Mary’s career before Mary turned her back on her close collaborator, leaving Anselm devastated.

It turns out that both have been visited by an evil spirit and Anselm proposes a séance to try to exorcise the demon inside Mary.

What the?

The performances are intense, but I am afraid intensity doesn’t get the job done.

I simply didn’t buy what either of the leads were selling oh so righteously.

No amount of shuffling and cutting fabric, nor music video snippets made one iota of difference.

Neither the evocative costuming, including headwear.

In the movie, Mother Mary expresses antipathy for the colour red (which forms part of the plotting). 

I assure you that I too was seeing red, but for entirely different reasons.

I had had enough after less than five minutes and the offering didn’t improve after that.

The dialogue simply goes around in circles trying to be deep and meaningful.

Sorry folks, but this is pretentious nonsense.

Dream sequences don’t help either.

Think of this as a “costume” drama, in which the drama is far from thrilling.

If I were a schoolteacher marking a class paper, I wouldn’t hesitate to give it an “F” for fail.

Let me express that in more adult terms, rated MA, Mother Mary scores a 2 out of 10.

What is the worst thing one can say about a movie – that it is boring … and this sure is.