The Ballad of Dan O’Malley: A Football Tragedy (Monstrous Theatre), at Theatre Works’ Explosives Factory

As a proud, passionate and paid-up member of the Essendon Football Club, I do not want to win another match this season.

Why? Because I would like access to the very best draft capital.

So, does tanking exist in the glorious game of AFL football? Despite what the AFL would like you to believe, blood oath it does.

Photos by Gavin D. Andrew

Rest players, play them out of position, get games into young kids, send those with niggles in for surgery before the season is over. You name it. There are so many ways to game the system.

It is against this backdrop that The Ballad of Dan O’Malley, written by Paul Mitchell, comes to town.

It concerns a fictitious club in the big league known as the Central Leopards. And of late, the Leopards have gotten very used to losing.

It is 2008 and Dan O’Malley (Justin Bell) is their new coach. He cares deeply about his players and how they approach the game. 

But his cards are marked when Leopards’ CEO Barclay (Nick Mitchell), who also controls the venue with poker machines that underpins the club, decides to tank.

With the overlooked coach and now director of football, Tyson (Adam Balales) on board, he has two gun recruits in his sights the following season.

Meanwhile, O’Malley continues to work closely with his players.

Still, there is one in particular, Chad (Julian Weeks), who enjoys O’Malley’s wife Suze’s (Lyndall Grant) homemade lasagne, who senses the team is out of kilter.

The League’s 2IC, Simon (Gregory Caine) had previously defended the game’s close association with gambling in an interview with broadcast journalist Charvi (Miles Paras).

But it seems only a matter of time before the actions taken by Simon, Tyson, and by association O’Malley, will come under scrutiny.

And this is when the League’s morality and integrity will be tested.

The Ballad of Dan O’Malley was inspired by the 2009 Melbourne Football Club saga. 

Allegations surfaced that the Demons intentionally lost matches late that season to secure a priority draft pick.

An AFL investigation began in mid 2012 after a player said in a TV interview that the club’s priority was not winning.

The result was a half million dollar fine for Melbourne, a 16-week suspension for the coach and a year-long ban for the team’s general manager of football operations.

With such real-life drama as fodder, I was greatly looking forward to seeing what the playwright would make of it all. 

Unfortunately, I was left disappointed.

The Ballad of Dan O’Malley lacked momentum. It was stretched (particularly in the first half), unconvincing, slow moving and had several flat patches.

Nor did I buy many of the performances, which I found forced and confected. In short, belief (on my part) was missing.

The real test of any theatrical work is whether the actors can convince the audience that they have transposed into the characters they are playing.

As much as I wanted them to, this lot couldn’t.

Even though the play only went for 80 minutes, I did a lot of clock watching.

And let me reiterate, I say that as a football tragic, who pours over the fine detail of as much AFL football news as I can lay my hands on.

I also thought the execution of the work was clumsy. Too often too many of the actors were on stage doing nothing, while a scene played out. I kept wondering why they were there.

Nor did the static set – representing a football oval – or the bland costuming do it for me.

So, in short, while the subject matter is ripe for the picking, The Ballad of Dan O’Malley didn’t scratch my itch and left me unfulfilled.

Dramatic tension is missing. More work is needed. Losing 20 minutes would be a good start.

It is playing at Theatre Works’ Explosives Factory until 22^nd August, 2026.